Lifeboats

“Fifteen hundred people went into the sea when the Titanic sank from under us.  There were twenty boats floating nearby, and only one came back.  One.  Six were saved from the water, myself included.  Six.  Out of fifteen hundred.  Afterward the seven-hundred people in the boats had nothing to do but wait – wait to die, wait to live, wait for an absolution that would never come.”

A good sad movie should leave you with something.  A sense of hope.  A catharsis.  “Titanic”, the movie based off of the actual ship, doesn’t provide that for me, though I know it does for others.  I don’t cry when I watch the movie.  I just sit there with a hollow sense of depression and a Celine Dion song stuck in my head.  So much hopelessness and futility permeates those final scenes as water fills the boat, as people wait to drown, as people scream for help in the freezing ocean while those who steer the lifeboats paddle away and refuse to turn around.  The lifeboat pilots had an excuse.  Surely, as one character reasoned, if they had turned around the boats would have been swarmed by desperate people.  The boats would have gone under.

Oh, but wouldn’t it have been worth it to try?  To attempt to save even just one more life?  To release even one more person from the cruelty of the freezing water?  Would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you paddled to safety and ignored the dying?  Would it not be better to die than to live like that? 

More than six people could have been saved if only those lifeboats had turned around.  But the lifeboats just kept moving slowly in the other direction because the people inside counted their own lives, their own safety, as more important than everyone else’s. 

The one boat that turned around got there too late. 

Fifteen thousand people.  Six were rescued.  Six. 

Do you know where I’m about to go from here?

The Titanic is gone.  But there are so many people who are still waiting for a lifeboat.  You and I have managed to paddle to safety, to a world of comfort, plenty of food, of warmth, and of opportunity.  But we’re steadily rowing our lifeboats away from the people who are trapped and screaming for us to help them because we count our own safety and comfort as more important than theirs. 

The world had one hundred and forty three million orphans.  At least.  We have the lifeboats.  They have nothing to do but wait, just like those left in the ocean.  They’re waiting to live or to die.  We can do something.  If only eight percent of the Christians in the world chose to help just one child, the crisis would be over.  The children wouldn’t sink.  They wouldn’t be left to die.  But we’re all still rowing away and hoping that somebody else turns around.  Somebody else can risk being pulled into the water.  And as a result, only a few are rescued. 

The full weight of the Titanic tragedy hits during the scene when two men row a single lifeboat back out into the ocean.  “Is there anybody alive out there?”  One calls repeatedly, his voice echoing across the icy water.  “Is there anybody alive out there?” 

“These are all dead,” replies the other.  “We came too late.”

We came too late. 

Please.  Don’t be too late.  They’re calling for help.

Turn your boat around. 

Les Miserables: "And the Righteous Hurry Past"

This post contains many, many, many spoilers for Les Miserables.  If you haven't seen the musical, watched the movie, or read the amazing novel by Victor Hugo, go do one of those things immediately, and then read this post.  You'll thank me later.  :) 

I fell in love with Les Miserables when I was fourteen years old and my mom gave me one of the cast albums for Christmas.  At the time I knew absolutely nothing about the show, and my mom only knew that it had won a bunch of awards.  I sat down with my pink CD player and headphones on Christmas day, and I listened to the entire album from start to finish.  It was beautiful.  I was confused about some of the finer points of the story, but I still loved it.  Since then, I've seen the show live twice, and I've watched the 25th Anniversary Concert DVD more times than I can count.

It's gotten much more attention now, though, since the release of the movie.  There are pros and cons to this movie, but overall I enjoyed it.  The thing that really bothers me, though, is the reaction that I've seen from several Christians.  Some love it, some hate it, but the most common response to the movie is:

"I thought it was good, but I wish there weren't so many inappropriate parts in it".

A lot of Christians have advised their friends to get the DVD so they can watch Les Miserables but fast forward past "Lovely Ladies", a song about prostitution.  The ClearPlay DVD player will automatically filter out all of those undesirable parts for you.  Yes, that thing actually exists.  Not only will it skip past "Lovely Ladies", it will also get rid of the profanities, blood, and violence.  Let me remind you that this musical is the story of a revolution.  Violence is sort of an integral part.

You'd miss all but 20 minutes of the film. 

So what is it that makes Les Miserables "inappropriate"?  Let's go back to the "Lovely Ladies" example.   The scene begins as Fantine, hoping to sell a necklace to earn money for her child, tentatively walks down a dark street.  Prostitutes in low-cut dresses sing loudly about all the different men they sleep with.  Customers make innuendos about male and female anatomy.  The audience hears solicitations, arguments, and jokes about STDs.  The song makes a lot of people uncomfortable.  It makes me uncomfortable.  I often skip past that song when I'm listening to one of the cast recordings.  But I don't look away when I'm watching the musical.  I'd be missing the point if I did.

See, the vast majority of Christians in developed nations lead easy lives.  Generally speaking, we have beds to sleep in, food to eat, and clothes to wear.  We get dressed up to go to church on Sundays.  We sing our songs.  We stay comfortable.  We have the luxury of protecting ourselves from what we think is inappropriate.  We filter out the sex and profanity.  And up to a certain point, that's fine.  It gets problematic, though, when we whitewash our religion and refuse to acknowledge that such things exist.

I cried harder at the end of "Lovely Ladies" than I did during any other scene of Les Miserables.  Fantine has just lost her job.  She has no way to provide for her child.  She sells a necklace, her hair, and two of her teeth.  Finally, as a last desperate resort, she turns to prostitution just like the rest of the women on that street.  We see her leading a strange man into a shack:

"Come on, Captain,

you can wear your shoes. 

Don't it make a change 

to have a girl who can't refuse? 

Easy money, lying on a bed. 

Just as well, they never see 

the hate that's in your head. 

Don't they know they're making love to one already dead?" 

After the man sleeps with Fantine, he gets up, buttons his pants, tosses some money in her direction, and walks away without a word.  It's as if Fantine isn't even human.  To this man, she isn't.  As far as he's concerned, she doesn't have a name, a personality, or a dream.  She's an object that can be used for sex and then ignored.  And as he walks away, we see the horrible emotional damage, the illness, the feelings of worthlessness, and the degradation that Fantine is left with.  

It's far too easy for us to look away, to ignore, to say "That's inappropriate.  I don't want to see that." And then we miss the message.  Our Christian filters work automatically now.  They very quickly declare "sex in a musical is bad" without stopping to think about why it might need to be there.  We can turn away from Fantine's plight if it offends our sensibilities, but so many people can't turn away because they live that life every single day.  They have no choice.  Fantine didn't choose prostitution.  Cosette didn't choose to be an orphan.  Eponine didn't choose poverty and crime.   But they got stuck with it anyway.  Just like millions and millions of people who live real lives outside of the movie screen.  

We have the choice to look away.  Fantine never had that choice.  What would you do if you found yourself among a group of prostitutes in reality instead of on the movie screen?  Would you offer kindness?  Would you fight to end the degradation?  Or would you turn away, forget their humanity, and decide that this is "inappropriate"?

I'd hope not, because Jesus never did.  The religious leaders of his day turned from what they thought was inappropriate, but Jesus didn't look away from the suffering.  He was right in the middle of it.  He ate meals with tax collectors.  He sat down with a woman who'd slept several men.   

The important thing to remember about Les Miserables is that the sex, profanity, and violence isn't there just to show sex, profanity, and violence.  It's there to remind us that suffering exists, that terrible things happen, and that so many hurting and desperate people are ignored by those who have the luxury to do so.  Consider these lyrics:

And the righteous hurry past.

They don't here the little ones crying,

and the plague is coming on fast, 

ready to kill.  One day nearer to dying. 

So when you watch Les Miserables or any other art that highlights human suffering, are you one of the "righteous" that hurry past in order to avoid being offended? Or will you open your eyes?  Challenge yourself to pursue the second option.  It might just help you to notice the suffering beyond the silver screen. 

Three Hundred Broken Promises

"Mommy and Daddy will be right back," I always tell them.  My mother volunteers in a church nursery every Sunday.  If I happen to be home I'll join her in taking care of "my babies" for an hour.  We have the one-year-olds this year.  A decent amount of those kids will just saunter into the room and go straight for the snacks.  But a few still cry when their parents leave the room.  "Mommy and Daddy will be right back," I say as I try to distract them with toy cars.  "They're going to big church and then they'll come get you.  It'll be just a little while.  I promise."

But what if they didn't come back?  What if I couldn't keep that promise?  What if those parents just left, promising that they'd be right back, and then never returned?  What would those babies think?

It's a horrible thought.  But that's exactly what happened to some three hundred children in Russia.  Three hundred orphans were introduced to their adoptive parents.  And then the parents left because Russia required several trips before mothers and fathers can bring their children home.  They promised they'd be right back.

And then Vladimir Putin decided that these orphans shouldn't come home.  He figured that Russia's orphans made better political pawns than family members, so he signed the bill declaring that Americans may no longer adopt Russian orphans.

The children wait.  I can't bear to think about what must be going through the minds of those three hundred who me their parents already.  Why won't they come back to get me? They must wonder.  Did they change their minds about me?  Was I bad?  

Mommy and Daddy promised that they'd be right back.

300 Broken Promises  is a facebook page dedicated to helping these children be reunited with their parents.  Please go like the page for updates and for simple ways that you can help these children come home.  No child should have to wait as an orphan.

"Stop the madness for constant group work. Just stop it!"

I'm only posting this in my blog because facebook, for whatever reason, will not let me post the video directly.  But darn it, the world needs to see this!

"...because when it comes to creativity and to leadership, we need introverts doing what they do best."
-Susan Cain-

HIV and Orphans

Do you know what HIV is?  You've heard of it, of course, but do you really know what it is?  A lot of us don't know the facts about HIV.  I didn't know what the difference was between HIV and AIDS until maybe a year or two ago.  HIV seems really scary to a lot of people.  What about you?  Think about these questions and be very, very honest with yourself about the answers.  What would you do if you found out that a friend of yours had HIV?  Would you want your child to be friends with an HIV positive kid?  How would you feel about sharing your home with an HIV positive person?  What about sharing a pool?  Eating utensils?  Would you want to play on the same sports team?  If you found out that someone you know has HIV, would your opinion of that person change?

Maybe you honestly don't know the answer to any of these questions.  A lot of people don't.  That's why so many orphans with HIV and no other diagnosed special needs get overlooked for adoption over and over again.

So what is HIV?  It stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus.  It's the virus that eventually causes AIDS.  However, that does NOT mean that every person with HIV has AIDS or will get AIDS.  The HIV virus weakens the immune system.

A person can get the HIV virus through unprotected sexual contact, sharing needles, and through birth or breastfeeding.  That's it.  Now, I do know of parents who don't allow their children to share toothbrushes because of the potential for gums to bleed, but that swimming pool that I mentioned?  Not a risk.  Sharing a home?  Not a risk.  Sports teams?  Not a risk.  Eating utensils?  Not a risk.  Toilets?  Again, not a risk.  See where I'm going with this?  The problem is that so many people worry about non-existent risks that they pass over deserving children.  This is why so many children with a manageable disease still wait for families.

And yes, I did say "manageable."  Believe it or not, people with HIV can live very normal lives.  They can play sports, have jobs, get married, have kids (medication can prevent mother-to-child transmission), and have a normal lifespan.  I'm going to be completely honest right now.  If I didn't know the truth about HIV, I'd be so afraid to adopt an HIV positive child because I wouldn't want any of my babies to die young, but HIV is NOT a death sentence.  Anti-Retroviral Therapy and regular visits to the doctor for check-ups and blood tests help people with the HIV virus to live normal lives.  In fact, children taking Anti-Retroviral pills often end up with a viral load that's so low that it becomes undetectable in their bodies.

The waiting orphans with the HIV virus carry this disease only because their mothers had it before them.  Sadly, the social stigma that surrounds HIV causes many people to only see the disease but not the person.  I encourage you do research further into the subject and consider pursuing the adoption of one of the many orphans who wait simply because of their HIV positive status.  If you want a good place to start and see where I got my sources from, check out the Project Hopeful website.

Torture of Students with Special Needs

Warning: the video below is very difficult to watch.  

The Judge Rotenburg Center in Canton, Massachusetts is a school for children and young adults with developmental disabilities.  The young man in the video above was shocked 31 times.  Why?  Because he refused to take off his coat.  On the JRC website, they defend their use of this electric shock "treatment" on their students.  They claim that they only use this method to curb aggressive behavior that presents a danger to students.  Now, what exactly was dangerous about a student refusing to take his coat off?

This petition asks Massachusetts Representatives to stop the torture of these students.  Will you consider adding your name?  Will you stand up for these students?

Things Your Introverted Friends Wish You Knew

Well, this isn't my usual advocacy post, unless of course you want to count it as advice for adopting introverted children, which you should totally do, by the way.  No, this post is just a result of something I've been thinking about for a long time.  Just before school ended for the semester, I got to hear a young man give a speech about his college experience.  He talked about a time in his life when things weren't going well for him.  At one point he said, "I became really introverted, and that's just not me."

I won't lie.  I was a bit offended.  Now, I did take a minute to look at the statement from his point of view.  I did think, "Oh, he didn't mean it that way.  He's not saying that introversion is a bad thing.  He's just saying that it was weird for him because that's not his personality type."  Even so, the statement rubbed me the wrong way, and after a few minutes of trying to figure out why, the answer hit me.  If I went up on stage and talked about my life's challenges, would you consider it odd if I said that I became really extroverted?  Would you consider my switch to extroversion a bad thing?  The fact is that this culture values extroversion much more than introversion.  Society considers introversion a problem that needs to be fixed, partly because not a lot of introverts want to spend the energy it takes to defend themselves.

To my dear extroverted friends and family members, please don't take this as an attack.  I love you all.  I love your personalities and wouldn't do a thing in the world to change the way that God made you.  I'm writing this because I fully get that introverts are more difficult to understand from the extrovert perspective.  There are fewer of us in existence, after all, and our brains are wired in a completely different way.  That's why I've made this list of things your introvert friends wish you knew.  Why didn't they tell you this themselves?  Because they're introverted.

1) Introversion is not a problem, and it is not your job to "fix" it.  Believe it or not, I actually like my personality, and I am not waiting for a good friend to "rescue" me from my "shell".  I know that your heart is in the right place, and I appreciate that you care about me, but please allow me to be introverted and respect the fact that my personality is a different type than yours.  

2) I get energy from different places than you.  You gain energy from being in large, loud groups of people.  I lose energy from being in large groups of people.  It doesn't mean that I don't love those people or enjoy their company, but if we've been out together all day, I will be much more tired than you.  I "recharge" by being alone or in small groups.  

3) Just because I'm not in the middle of the dance floor doesn't mean that I'm upset or that I'm not having fun.  I'm actually enjoying this one-on-one conversation I'm having.  

4) I am not shy.  I am quiet.  There is a huge difference.  

5) Please don't get offended if I don't join in on spontaneous plans.  I have nothing against you. Sometimes I'm up for the "hey, let's all go get ice cream right now!" plans, but at other times, I've already spent all of my energy, and I'd prefer things that are already planned ahead.  

6) I am just as fun-loving as you, but I might consider different things fun.  

7) If I'm put on the spot, my brain will immediately erase all useful information, which is particularly annoying in language classes.  It might take a minute for me to re-gather my thoughts and answer you.  It's the only part of being introverted that gets on my nerves.  

8) I'm sorry, but you're not helping me if you try to force me into the conversation (see #7).  I need time to observe a situation before I jump in.  

9) I don't like idle conversation.  If I have something important to say, I'll say it.  

10) The fastest way to get me to talk to you is to figure out what I'm passionate about.  One extroverted friend of mine pointed out that I have quite a few subjects that I'll talk about endlessly.  We called these subjects my "soap boxes".  Introverts don't like to speak just for the sake of speaking, but when you get us to talk about something we're passionate about, we will not shut up.  Ask me about Christianity and the arts.  Ask me about the importance of live theatre.  Ask me about Down Syndrome.  Ask me about orphans.  Ask me about introversion.  I promise that I will talk so much that you might wish you hadn't asked.  :)  

11) Please don't say "you're really quiet!" to a person you've just met.  Few things are more annoying, and there really is no way to respond to that.  I don't understand why that phrase is socially acceptable to say to a complete stranger while saying "you're really loud!" is considered rude.  

12) Don't ever, ever, ever tell an introvert to "try being more extroverted" or "try to be more outgoing".  This goes back to #1.  Introversion is a personality type, not an emotion, so it doesn't change.  Think about it.  You are literally asking me to change my personality, something I would never consider asking of you.  Frankly, it's insulting.  Imagine how you would feel if the situation were reversed.  Most introverts will be polite and resist the urge to respond with sarcasm.  Some introverts will not resist that urge.  You have been warned.  

13) Introverts can do and have done a lot of things that you might consider "extroverted".  I, for example, am a theatre major.  I act and sing on a stage in front of people all the time. I love public speaking.  I'd much rather be in front of a crowd than in the middle of one, I guess.  Don't assume things about your introverted friends.  

14)  I love my extroverted friends.  I appreciate your personalities.  All I ask is for the same in return.  

I hope that this list has helped some of you understand where your introverted friends are coming from. :)  Basically, just remember that God created all our different personalities with a purpose.  Ultimately, the introverts and extroverts need each other and should celebrate each other's strengths.